You Can't Script Stuff This Good

Introduction:
The MAIN CAST consists of ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP and her son JOHNNY QUEST (age 9), EIDOLON, HAWKEYE and her daughter JDOG (age 10), ISABEAU and her sons GIMLI (age 12) and LEGOLAS (age 9), all of whom are here to join JDOG on her quest to find her 1000th letterbox. She is three away at the start of this saga and there are five on the 'to do' list. Both ARTEMIS and HAWKEYE have already done this series so are just along for the social aspect of the evening. This is the tale of what happened that night. Some parts may seem far fetched and even downright unbelievable but this really is an extrememly accurate retelling of what befell them that night. Some of the dialog details have been skipped, generalized, reassigned or rearranged as needed (to fit the writer's whim's and memory) but the spirit of the tale is a true one in spite of these minor inconsistencies. Also, even though it is a tale about JDOG, it is told from the perspective of EIDOLON since he is the author and can only tell what he remembers hearing and experiencing.

..........ACT I..........

Scene I
Stone Mountain Park, 9:15pm Friday: It is just after dark on a sticky, muggy, summer night. The scene begins with the MAIN CAST milling about in the parking lot, preparing to do some night letterboxing. They are getting packs out of vehicles and moving out of the lot, across the road and onto a dirt access road.

HAWKEYE: Is everyone ready?

ISABEAU: Sure, let's go.

EIDOLON: Does anyone have the clues?

BUTTERCUP: Yes, I have mine right here.

EIDOLON: OK, just checking since I did not dig mine out from the bag yet.

[MAIN CAST follows HAWKEYE across the road, and onto the access road]

GIMLI: Car.

ISABEAU: What?

GIMLI: There is a car coming. [Moves off the access road]

ARTEMIS: There really is a car coming. [Moves off the access road]

[Others move off the access road and wait for the vehicle to pass]

HAWKEYE: [Whispering] That is a police truck. What do we do?

EIDOLON: We keep going. It is not like she didn't see us yet never told us we had to stop.

HAWKEYE: But the truck headlights are pointing right where we need to go.

BUTTERCUP: Let's at least walk on up.

JDOG: I don't want to go to jail.

JOHNNY QUEST: Me either.

BUTTERCUP: No one is going to jail.

[MAIN CAST continue walking along the access road towards the police truck]

Scene II
9:30pm: The police truck is parked at the end of the access road where it meets the railroad tracks. Its headlights are shining to the right, along the side of the railroad tracks. The scene begins with the MAIN CAST standing next to the truck and the POLICEWOMAN leaning out the window.

POLICEWOMAN: How are you all doing tonight? We don't usually have folks back here after dark.

ARTEMIS: We are taking the kids on a nature walk. We already found a cockroach and some spiders. Are you back here looking for something?

POLICEWOMAN: We had a fire earlier; lightning struck a pine tree today so we just keep checking the area to make sure it doesn't flare back up.

HAWKEYE: Is it OK if we still walk along the tracks?

POLICEWOMAN: Sure. I’ll radio ahead to let the other officer up that direction know you are coming so he doesn't run over you or anything.

[MAIN CAST start walking down the railroad tracks to the right, in the path of the headlights]

Scene III
9:35pm: The MAIN CAST has arrived at the second police car. The scene begins with the MAIN CAST standing on the railroad tracks next to a police car driven by a POLICEMAN. His car window is rolled up.

HAWKEYE: [Whispering] His headlights are shining right where we need to go. Look, you can see the fire tacks on that tree. There is no way we can do this while he is sitting here.

POLICEMAN: [Rolls car window down] You know you shouldn't be back here walking on the tracks after dark don’t you?

EIDOLON: Really? The lady up there said it was OK.

POLICEMAN: [Sighs] No, I did not know she said that. Hold on, let me call my CAPTAIN.

[MAIN CAST waits while POLICEMAN is talking on the phone]

JDOG: Are we going to jail?

JOHNNY QUEST: I hope not.

BUTTERCUP: All they can do is tell us to leave.

GIMLI: He can’t take us to jail, we won’t all fit in his car.

POLICEMAN: OK, who is the Head Honcho?

ARTEMIS: [Looks around] I guess I'll be the Head Honcho.

POLICEMAN: My CAPTAIN wants to talk to you.

[ARTEMIS and the CAPTAIN converse on the phone for a few minutes, during this time...]

JDOG: He is going to take us to jail.

HAWKEYE: No, he is not.

LEGOLAS: I can't believe we are going to jail.

BUTTERCUP: No one is going to jail.

GIMLI: When you are in jail, you have to use the toilet in the middle of the room where everyone can see you.

JOHNNY QUEST: Really? I hope they keep the boys and girls separate then.

ISABEAU: How do you know so much about jail?

GIMLI: I saw it on TV.

[ARTEMIS finishes talking and hands the phone back to POLICEMAN]

ARTEMIS: He said we have to go.

HAWKEYE: What?

ARTEMIS: He said walking on the tracks at night was a liability issue and that we should only be on "real" trails. He offered more than once to drive over and bring us a map of the Cherokee Trail if we needed it.

POLICEMAN: OK, you folks take care then. Watch your toes as I back out of here.

[MAIN CAST waits while POLICEMAN backs his car out along to tracks and heads down the access road in the distance]

HAWKEYE: So what do we do now?

BUTTERCUP: Well, we walk back out. If nothing else, he will be waiting for us right now.

ARTEMIS: Yes, and if we were told we have to leave, we probably should head back out to the main road.

[MAIN CAST starts walking back along the tracks the way they came in]

Scene IV
9:45pm: The MAIN CAST has returned to the sidewalk at the end of the access road. The scene begins with the MAIN CAST standing on the sidewalk next to the access road.

ISABEAU: So, what do we do now?

BUTTERCUP: I think we go back, he just left so we have a little time before he returns if he is coming back.

ARTEMIS: True, but if we have already been officially told we can't be back there, do we want to?

EIDOLON: JDOG still needs 3 boxes and there are none near here that she has not already found.

HAWKEYE: We could park at the other end and walk the clues backwards.

BUTTERCUP: Let's do that then. If we move the cars from here it won't be as obvious hopefully.

[MAIN CAST returns to the parking lot get back into their vehicles]

..........ACT II..........

Scene I
10:30pm: After all vehicles were relocated to the second parking lot, the MAIN CAST was travelling in the wrong direction along the railroad tracks to search for the boxes. They found boxes #4 and #1, not realizing they had missed #2 and #3 until they arrived at #1. The scene begins with the MAIN CAST standing on the railroad tracks back where the POLICEMAN had his car parked earlier.

BUTTERCUP: So from here, since we are parked the other way, should we go ahead and get the bonus box?

ARTEMIS: Yes, we are really close to it so I don't see any point in coming back down here again, especially since this access road seems to be the only way for the police to get back here.

HAWKEYE: You guys go ahead and get it then, I will stay at the corner and watch for anyone coming back down the road.

EIDOLON: OK, sounds good. From now on, everyone keep your fingers on the flashlight switches and when someone says 'turn them off', do it immediately. I suspect with so many of us, we can be seen from the road and we know they are looking over this direction to make sure the fire has not flared back up.

[MAIN CAST continue walking down the tracks, back towards where the POLICEWOMAN was parked earlier]

Scene II
10:40pm: The MAIN CAST has walked back to where the access road meets the railroad tracks and continued on along the tracks. HAWKEYE stayed behind to serve as the lookout. The scene begins with ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, EIDOLON, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS walking along the railroad tracks.

BUTTERCUP: So, what are we looking for? I never read the clues in the logbook.

ISABEAU: I did not either.

BUTTERCUP: Since we have been following HAWKEYE until now, I guess ARTEMIS will have to lead us since she is the only one who has been here before.

ARTEMIS: But when I was here a few weeks ago, I did not pay attention, I just followed the rest of the group.

EIDOLON: There is a reflector on a tree, let's look over there.

[EIDOLON scrambles up a small rock embankment shining his flashlight left and right then takes a few steps to a large rock]

EIDOLON: I found it.

[ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS sit on tracks and start preparing to stamp in while EIDOLON comes back down with the box]

GIMLI: Can I open it?

EIDOLON: This is JDOG's 1000th find, we should let her do it.

BUTTERCUP: Why did we not have HAWKEYE come since this find is the point of being here tonight and it is her daughter?

ISABEAU: Yeah, that is funny that she isn't here.

BUTTERCUP: Well, I have my camera but the picture may not turn out with it being so dark back here.

[ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, EIDOLON, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS sit on the tracks and begin preparing to stamp. JDOG has already stamped into the logbook and is preparing to write a note; ISABEAU has her stamp pad open and is inking GIMLI's stamp; LEGOLAS is unwrapping the box stamp; EIDOLON is the furthest away and has his logbook opened and is waiting his turn]

HAWKEYE: [Barely audible, unseen] Get in the woods!!!

[No reaction from ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, EIDOLON, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS]

HAWKEYE: [Barely audible, again unseen, but closer] Get in the woods!!!

EIDOLON: Lights off, everyone into the woods now!

[ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, EIDOLON, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS quickly scramble, throwing stamps, pads and markers into bags, clutching logbooks and backpacks in their arms and heading towards the woods]

GIMLI: Which way?

JDOG: I don't want to go to jail.

LEGOLAS: I don't either.

BUTTERCUP: Come on, this way.

LEGOLAS: Mom?

ISABEAU: Just follow BUTTERCUP and keep the light off.

JOHNNY QUEST: I hope we don't go to jail.

ARTEMIS: Come on kids, get moving.

[Exit BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, JOHNNY QUEST, and LEGOLAS as BUTTERCUP leads them through the woods and towards a distant street light on the road. Exit ARTEMIS and JDOG who follow BUTTERCUP but pause so JDOG, running bent over at the waist clutching the things in her arms, can regroup for a moment to keep from dropping what she is carrying. EIDOLON and ISABEAU wait in the woods, near the tracks. The vehicle headlights can be seen turning off the road and onto the tracks but facing the opposite direction]

ISABEAU: So what are we going to do? We can't go back to the tracks since the vehicle is still there.

EIDOLON: I assume someone has the box?

ISABEAU: I do, or at least part of it. I threw the bottom half into my bag along with all my stuff but I don't think I have the lid or logbook.

EIDOLON: Well, if you have the stamp, then let's stamp it. JDOG still needs to stamp this one for #1000 so if we have to, we will just bring it back tomorrow. I doubt anyone will be looking for it tonight other than us anyway. I think everyone else already headed down towards that street light where there are some benches so let's get down there and figure out what we have.

ISABEAU: What about HAWKEYE?

EIDOLON: I just heard her on the tracks, she will be here in a second. Go ahead, I will wait for her.

[Exit ISABEAU]

[Enter HAWKEYE]

HAWKEYE: It was the police truck again, I started running as soon as it turned onto the road and while trying to run through the woods, ran into a chain link fence that I could not get around. I was not even sure if you guys had heard me yelling but I couldn't yell any louder since she would have heard me.

EIDOLON: I think I was the only one and I barely heard you but luckily we got the message.

HAWKEYE: So where is everyone else?

EIDOLON: They went on down to the road to see about stamping in since we had the box already. JDOG still needed this one. By the way, you seem to have volunteered to not be here for her 1000th find accidentally.

HAWKEYE: Yeah, I realized that after you all left.

EIDOLON: Well let’s make sure nothing was left behind before heading down since they were in a bit of a hurry.

[EIDOLON and HAWKEYE leave the cover of the woods and return to the tracks, HAWKEYE keeping an eye on the lights that are just around the corner while EIDOLON searches the tracks]

EIDOLON: Let’s see, I found a JDOG signature stamp, JDOG ink pad with no lid, JDOG stamp pouch, a box lid, a pink marker cap and a pink marker.

HAWKEYE: Anything else?

EIDOLON: That is all I see.

[EIDOLON and HAWKEYE follow the trail through the woods towards the street light and rejoin ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS]

Scene III
10:45pm: ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, ISABEAU, JDOG, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS are sitting on the benches under the street lights along the main road unpacking their bags again and taking inventory plus preparing to stamp in the box. The scene begins as EIDOLON and HAWKEYE walk out of the woods.

BUTTERCUP: What took you so long?

EIDOLON: We checked the tracks and found some things that were left behind. We found the box lid, JDOG’s stamp and pad and BUTTERCUP’s pink marker.

HAWKEYE: Is anything else missing?

ISABEAU: I have the box bottom and stamp.

ARTEMIS: I have the logbook.

JDOG: I broke ARTEMIS’ ink pen before writing ‘1000th Find’ into the logbook.

ISABEAU: I can’t find GIMLI’s axe stamp either. It was on my ink pad when I threw everything into the bag so it must have fallen off.

GIMLI: You don’t have my stamp?

EIDOLON: The police truck is sitting up on the tracks again. I figure we can stamp in down here and I will run back up to return the box when we are done. I can try looking for the stamp too I guess.

ISABEAU: It is not that big a deal, it was small and did not take him long to carve.

GIMLI: I can’t believe my stamp is missing.

[MAIN CAST begins stamping into the box. While doing so, they see the police truck drive back down from the access road]

EIDOLON: Since the truck left and we found all the parts, I will go ahead and take the box back up and look for the axe.

HAWKEYE: I’ll go up.

GIMLI: I want to go too and look for my stamp.

ISABEAU: No, you stay here, we are trying not to be seen.

[EIDOLON and HAWKEYE return to the woods to take the box back]

Scene IV
10:50pm: EIDOLON and HAWKEYE have returned to the railroad tracks to put the box back in its hiding spot. The scene opens with them walking out of the woods.

EIDOLON: Finding the axe will be harder since without all the parts on the tracks, it won't be obvious where we were sitting originally.

HAWKEYE: True, and I have no idea since I wasn’t even here.

EIDOLON: Well I know that the trail was at a slight right angle into the woods so maybe we will get lucky.

HAWKEYE: Don’t spend a lot of time looking for it.

EIDOLON: [Looking down at the railroad tracks] Well, I won’t have to since I just found it. I have no idea how I did that.

HAWKEYE: Let’s go ahead and stamp him into the logbook since we have his stamp.

[EIDOLON and HAWKEYE sit back down on the railroad tracks and unpack the box to log GIMLI in a second time; the first was his thumbprint. They then rehide the box and return to the woods, heading back toward the streetlight]

Scene V
11:00pm: MAIN CAST is sitting on the benches under the street lights along the main road. The scene begins just after EIDOLON and HAWKEYE have returned from the woods.

HAWKEYE: We found the stamp.

ISABEAU: You are kidding, right?

EIDOLON: Nope, somehow that little tiny stamp caught my eye as we walked the tracks.

[HAWKEYE hands stamp back to ISABEAU]

EIDOLON: So, now that JDOG has her 1000th, which was the goal, and we had a little excitement are we done or not?

BUTTERCUP: Well, there are still two boxes up there we don’t have...

ARTEMIS: And BUTTERCUP is just as bad as EIDOLON about hating to leave boxes.

HAWKEYE: Plus the police truck just left so I think we can get down the tracks fast enough to get to the second one before they come back. They can’t drive any further than where the first box is hidden since that is where they stopped both times we have seen them.

EIDOLON: So I guess that means we are going back up then?

ISABEAU: Let’s go.

ARTEMIS: I can't believe I'm doing this for boxes I already have.

HAWKEYE: Yeah, I was just thinking the same thing. I don't want to go to jail either.

[MAIN CAST gets up from the benches and once again heads towards the access road]

..........ACT III..........

Scene I
11:15pm: The MAIN CAST has returned to the railroad tracks, already found and stamped into box #2 and just finished up with box #3. The scene begins immediately after the box has been replanted and the MAIN CAST has just started walking down the railroad tracks, heading for the cut through trail back to where the cars are parked. ARTEMIS and ISABEAU are at walking a short distance behind the rest of the procession.

JOHNNY QUEST: So is that all? Are we done?

BUTTERCUP: Yes, that was the last one, though it sure took longer than expected to get five boxes.

ISABEAU: RUN!!!

LEGOLAS: What?

ARTEMIS: There is a car coming up behind, and it is driving up the tracks!!!

GIMLI: We really are going to jail this time.

[Headlights appear and the sound of an engine can be heard from behind]

EIDOLON: Get into the woods but stop moving, they will see and hear us if they keep coming on around the corner.

[ARTEMIS, BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, HAWKEYE, ISABEAU, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS run off the railroad tracks to the right. JDOG runs off the railroad tracks to the left. ARTEMIS and ISABEAU stop in the grass beside the tracks. Exit BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, HAWKEYE, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS as BUTTERCUP leads them further into the woods. EIDOLON delays in the middle of the tracks briefly, watching the headlights, then starts towards ARTEMIS and ISABEAU.]

ARTEMIS: JDOG went the wrong way. She is on the other side.

ISABEAU: Where is LEGOLAS?

EIDOLON: Did he go with JDOG?

ARTEMIS: I don’t know, I just know she went that way.

[Headlights are getting brighter and the engine is getting louder]

JDOG: [With panic in voice] EIDOLON, help me.

EIDOLON: [To ARTEMIS and ISABEAU] Get back, I will either get them across or stay with them.

ISABEAU: I am not leaving LEGOLAS.

ARTEMIS: You are not leaving him. EIDOLON will be with him and we will wait right here at the edge of the woods.

[EIDOLON returns to the middle of the tracks, the headlight are almost to the corner, which is about 100 feet away]

EIDOLON: All right JDOG and LEGOLAS, you have to come now, the car will be here any second. Run across the tracks and keep going into the woods.

[JDOG streaks up the hill, crosses the tracks and goes to where ARTEMIS and ISABEAU are still standing. Exit ARTEMIS, ISABEAU and JDOG into the thicker woods]

EIDOLON: [Running on across the tracks, looking and listening for any movement] LEGOLAS, are you here? Tell me now because we have to go.

[Waits a couple of seconds but gets no response]

EIDOLON: If you are here, do not move or make any noise until I come back. I have to get out of sight.

[EIDOLON runs back across the tracks and into the woods]

Scene II
11:20pm: The MAIN CAST is spread out into two small groups behind a slight hill that is 30 feet off the railroad tracks and less than 100 feet from the curve in the railroad tracks that the headlight have been nearing. BUTTERCUP, GIMLI, JOHNNY QUEST and LEGOLAS are sitting down at the base of the hill in a small valley. ARTEMIS, EIDOLON, HAWKEYE, ISABEAU and JDOG are crouched down near the top of the first hill, approximately 30 feet away from the others. No one in the ISABEAU group actually knows where LEGOLAS has gone. The scene begins as the truck is almost visible.

ISABEAU: Where is LEGOLAS? We can’t leave him.

HAWKEYE: JDOG, was LEGOLAS with you on the other side of the railroad tracks?

JDOG: I don’t think so but I really hurt my leg.

EIDOLON: I saw no sign of him up there. He has to be down here.

ARTEMIS: [Whispering loudly down the hill] BUTTERCUP, is LEGOLAS down there?

BUTTERCUP: [Whispering] Yes, all three boys are here.

ARTEMIS: [Whispering] Did you hear that ISABEAU? LEGOLAS is down there with BUTTERCUP.

[Headlights round the corner and the truck is within sight, spotlight shining into the woods in our general direction]

EIDOLON: [Whispering loudly] Get down, be quiet and don't move, the windows are open.

[ARTEMIS, HAWKEYE, ISABEAU and JDOG dive flat onto the ground. EIDOLON stays in a crouch to watch what is happening over the hilltop]

EIDOLON: [Whispering] The truck stopped and is shining the spotlight around. All we can do is wait it out and hope no one gets out and walks.

HAWKEYE: [Whispering] Can they see us?

EIDOLON: [Whispering] I don’t think so. Oh and everyone please find your cell phones and make sure they don’t ring.

ARTEMIS: [Whispering] Good idea.

ISABEAU: [Whispering] Mine is already on vibrate.

[Five minutes pass while the truck keeps shining the light around the woods but for the most part at a target short of where the MAIN CAST is hiding. Eventually the truck turns around, with much effort, in the small area between the railroad tracks and the woods, and heads back the way it came]

EIDOLON: [Whispering] OK, the truck is leaving but stay still a little longer just in case someone got out.

[Another minute passes with no sign of movement]

EIDOLON: I think it is safe. Now we have to bushwhack though these woods back to the road without lights and make sure that truck does not drive on the road and see us coming out.

[MAIN CAST all get back to their feet]

Scene III
11:35pm: The MAIN CAST has gotten up from their hiding spots behind the hill and started to head for the main road. The scene begins standing on top of the hill that was the second half of the ‘valley’ where the BUTTERCUP group was hiding.

BUTTERCUP: Which way should we go?

EIDOLON: I would suggest left, away from that street light since we don’t want to be seen.

[EIDOLON starts down the hill, sliding and grabbing trees]

EIDOLON: Be careful, this is longer and slicker than it looks.

[MAIN CAST all walk or stumble down the hill, except ISABEAU who just sits down and slides to the bottom]

ISABEAU: I think I gave myself a poisonivy wedgie sliding down that hill.

[MAIN CAST continue further into the woods and are about halfway between the railroad tracks and streetlight. There is a big gulley in front of them]

BUTTERCUP: That looks even steeper than that last hill we came down.

EIDOLON: Yeah, I think I would rather risk being seen at the streetlight than to try and go down that hill in the dark.

[MAIN CAST changes course and start walking towards the streetlight, hoping a car will not come down the road]

Scene IV
11:40pm: The MAIN CAST has finally returned to the sidewalk along the main road. The scene begins with them walking back towards where the cars are parked.

EIDOLON: Heck, we actually still have twenty minutes before they will start running us out of here so we should be ok but just in case we meet up with any officers again, everyone remember that we just finished our nice night walk along the Orange Trail around the lake, since that is what the CAPTAIN suggested, and are heading back to our cars now.

ARTEMIS: And we tripped over lots of roots which is why we are all so dirty.

HAWKEYE: So JDOG, was this a memorable 1000th find?

JDOG: I can’t believe we almost went to jail three different times. And look at my knee. [Show very scraped and bloody knee under the streetlight]

HAWKEYE: How did you do that?

JDOG: When I ran off the railroad tracks, I fell in the gravel and slid down the little embankment. It really hurt.

LEGOLAS: I was sure we were going to jail.

GIMLI: Me too.

JOHNNY QUEST: That was fun and I thought we were going to be caught that last time.

BUTTERCUP: JOHNNY QUEST, let's not mention the multiple times hiding in the woods from the police to your father or he won't let us go letterboxing anymore.

EIDOLON: Well that just makes it all more memorable. It is not every outing you run from the cops and someone goes home all bloodied.

ISABEAU: I though it was funny that EIDOLON said “down” and no one even thought twice about it, we just dove into the dirt.

EIDOLON: I seem to be the only somewhat experienced delinquent here, which probably helped. Let’s just say it is not the first time I hid from cops, just the first time in a while.

[MAIN CAST continues walking along the sidewalk and arrives back where the cars are parked]

EIDOLON: We still have four minutes before the park officially closes. That means there is still have time to get exchanges with GIMLI and LEGOLAS since ARTEMIS and I don't have them...